Chapter 35: Fury to Nowhere
I can''t believe it.
I can''t fucking believe it.
My hands clench tightly on my steering wheel as I head home, half-eaten bread and butter in my buckled-in takeout box. It''s almost too hard to see the road with how much I''m
crying.
Am I a fool? Is my life just a big joke to make fun of without letting me in on it? Like, did I do something to deserve this?
I just can''t wrap my head around it. Part of me doesn''t want to because I''m pretty sure I''ll just copse in a pile of tears or have a freak out if I think about it too much.
Twice in a single year, I''ve been stood up on a date.
No replies to my texts, no calls, nothing on social media. Thest photos he uploaded were from the party the night before. It''s like he''s just disappeared off the face of the earth.
If he had gotten too drunk or something, he could''ve maybe told me. Like, if his car broke
down or his family wanted time with him, I don''t know.
But don''t leave me hanging! Don''t act like my feelings don''t matter!!
If it had been Oliver, maybe I would''ve epted it, but that''s because, in hindsight, he
always treated me badly. I didn''t realize it so much back then.
But in just a few months, Alex showed me what being treated better felt and looked like. And I seriously thought he was being genuine about it. I really did. I''m such an idiot! I''m so fucking stupid!!
It gets harder to breathe, and my vision abruptly swims.
opter 35 Fury to Nowhere
I can''t take this.
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I turn on my emergency blinkers and swerve my car to the side of the road. Thankfully, no one else is really on the streets aside from a few cars further away.
After putting my car in park, I dig my fingers into my hair and try to breathe.
Swallow down oxygen.
Anything to reinte my lungs and piece together my shattering heart.
But there''s a hot ball sitting in my chest this time. Something that hasn''t been present the
Anger.
I''m angry. Furious!
Why would he even do this?! Is the hockey team holding something against me?! Was Alex and Oliver working together this whole time to make a big joke out of me?!
Fuck!
I scream and m my fists into my steering wheel, making my car horn re. But
I don''t care. I don''t give two shits how much attention I''m attracting right now!
I''m just so overtaken by rage, I can''t help it.
It''s hard to breathe and I''m panicking and I''m so fucking angry and it all just wants
burst out of me.
I hate this so much. I hate feeling like this so much.
I''d thought that maybe I could open up to Alex. I thought maybe we felt the same way because he kept being nice to me and going above and beyond with the dating thing! And the fact he nned the date-especially that!
But I shouldn''t have believed him.
#Chapter 35: Fury to Nowhere
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I should''ve known better than to trust something that was entirely too good to be
true.
But he was just...too kind.
Too snarky. Too involved. Too...
Hah. I almost thought he was genuine just now.
My teeth clench as I bow my head in the car. A low whine filters out my throat as despair digs deep into my chest.
Then, my feet kick as I scream again.
I remain parked there for the next few minutes until I can breathe again. Then, I carefully get back on the road and drive the rest of the way home.
When I get to school the next day, I stomp inside the building, on a mission. Apparently, my fury is showing on my face, because people move out of my way as I head in.
I finally get it.
I get why Jessicashed out and got angry at Alex on New Year''s Eve. Why Danielle got jealous and started trying to bully me. Why Charlie got so frustrated that she started taking it out on other people.
I understand how terrible they felt, to some extent.
Of course, I don''t want to take this anger out on anyone else. I wouldn''t feel right
doing
that.
Oh no. All of this hurt, pain, and anger belong to one person.
And he deserves it wrapped up in as nice of a fucking package as I can manage
it.
Because, strangely enough, the stuff he''d said and talked about with me before make sense.
I didn''t deserve being mistreated by Oliver. I didn''t deserve the embarrassment,
the
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bullying, the ridicule. I''ve not done a single thing that would make any of those actions be sensible as retribution against me.
And I definitely don''t deserve to be stood up on a date that he nned for us.
I turn the corner in a hall, beelining toward the hockey arena. Their championship game may be done, but they''ll keep ying hockey until the end of the school year in their off-season. If Alex will be anywhere, he''ll be there.
As I head forward, I see Hailey up ahead. She''s likely going to see Lenard, so hearing me,
she turns around.
"Hey, Cynth! How was theeehhh..."
She trails off as I approach and stays to the side as I stomp past her. While I don''t
slow
down, I do hear her start to follow me.
I shove the hockey arena doors open, and some nearby yers startle, looking over at me.
Having caught my attention, I stalk over, and they back up a bit.
"Wherrrrre is Alexsss?"
The three remain frozen for a good moment before giving each other confused looks. I breathe in deeply to try and ease my tone. They don''t deserve my anger.
"...Sorrrry. Where. Is Alex. Please?"
One of the guys spoke up then.
"Oh, uh, no, you''re good. We understood you the first time. It''s just, uh..."
He nced at one of the others, who continued.
"We thought he was maybe with you? He never showed up for practice today."
My re lightens a bit in confusion, and Hailey catches up behind me. She greets
the guys briefly before turning to me.
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"What''s the beef, girl? You''re, erh, enraged,"
"Trrrying to find Alex. Ssstood me up."
All of them look surprised, their eyebrows raising,
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“Uh...yeah. ''Scuse us, guys," Hailey says, pulling me over to a nearby wall, away
from the others. "Seriously? He didn''t show up,"
"No! I waited there for hourrrs-" I swallow thickly, trying to keep from crying. No crying right now. Only anger. "I waited for hourrrs and he didn''t show up,"
"But, like, I was there. I literally heard him set the reservation."
"And therrre was one! I got there carrrly and sssat at our table without a problem.
But he jussst never showed up. And he hasssn''t answered my phone callsss or
texts."
I''m stuttering harder than usual, unable to pace my speech properly in distress.
Still, discussing this with Hailey does make me feel a little better,
"Oh, Cynthia, I''m so sorry this happened."
She gives me a hug that I lean into heavily. At least I''m not feeling so alone
anymore.
"Tell you what, you try contacting him again, and I''ll see if Len knows something, He seemed a bit odd after Alex left early,"
"He left early?"
"Yeah! I thought he was leaving to just talk with you on the phone or something,
but you
haven''t heard from him since..."
"That night... I dunno when he liked the texsst I sent him beforrre I went to bed."
"Hmm... Alright, gimme a sec. Stay right here."
Hailey hurries off, so I stay where she told me to. Still, I feel restless without
actually doing anything, so I open my phone again and look at our text messages.
#Chapter 35. Fury to Nowhere
Thest thing he''d done was ''love'' my pre-bed text with the stuffed animals.
Maybe.if I could contact someone else he knows...
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For some reason, it dawns on me then. Something a bit weird that I hadn''t really
minded until recently.
Alex knows my mom, but I don''t know his parents. The most I know is his older
brother, but it''s not like I have any real way to contact him. I don''t even really know where he lives, either.
And though he and Michael had seemed close, not even his brother had been
there at his hockey game. Now, he''s suddenly just...gone?
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My anger cools rather quickly. The fact itsted so long was a surprise to me,
too.
But it''s reced with anxiety. And now, theck of responses to my text messages
seems
more sinister than before.