Iris
With a flourish, Arthur turns the handle and pushes the door open, flicking on the light.
"Ta-da!" he announces, stepping aside so we can see.
**
My breath catches as I take in the scene. The rooin that was once a simple guest bedroom has beenpletely transformed. Every inch of it screams ''Miles.''
The walls are painted a soft blue with white clouds, and borate dinosaur decals are stered across them. A bookshelf shaped like a shark holds a whole host of new books and toys. In the corner sits a small desk with colored pencils and drawing paper alreadyid out.
But the centerpiece is the bed-a bright red race carplete with wheels and headlights.
"Wow!" Miles shouts, rushing into the room and whirling around in circles to take it all in. "A race car bed! Just like Falways wanted!"
My heart swells watching Miles explore every corner, touching everything. He climbs into the race car bed, making vrooming noises as he pretends to drive.
"When did you do all this?" I ask Arthur, turning to look at him. I can barely breathe, I''m so stunned-and touched.
Arthur shrugs, but I can see the pride in his eyes. "I''ve been working on it for a few weeks. Had to sneak around a bit to get it done without you noticing."
Miles is now examining the bookshelf, pulling out what looks like an encyclopedia on dinosaurs. He gasps as he flips it open to arge spread on pterodactyls. “Look, Mommy! This book has pictures and everything!"
I step further into the room, taking in all the thoughtful details. There''s a nightlight shaped like a crescent moon, a toy chest painted with stars, and even a small tent in the corner for reading or ying pretend. Everything is perfect. Everything is exactly what Miles loves.
I should be happy. And I am, truly. But that happiness is edged with another feeling, one that''s far more bitter.
Guilt.
Here''s Arthur, creating this magical space for our son, putting so much thought and care into every detail. And what am I doing? Keeping massive secrets from him. Lying about who I really am just to appease someone I hardly even know. "Do you like it?" Arthur asks softly,ing up behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist from behind and rests his chin on top of my head.
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. The backs of my eyes are pricking with hot tears and I fear I might burst out sobbing if I say a word.
"Daddy, can I sleep here tonight?" Miles asks, bouncing on the race car bed.
"Of course, buddy. This is your room now. Whenever you visit, or..." His arms tighten slightly around my waist." Or if you and your mom move back in someday." Moving in. The thought fills me with joy, but also more guilt. This is all I ever wanted-to live together, a happy family, our childpletely spoiled rotten by a doting father. And to think that it''s finally within my reach is surreal. But it''s yet another bitter reminder that I''m keeping huge secrets from the man of my dreams.
As Miles returns to excitedly exploring his new room, Arther nces at me. "You sure you''re okay?" he whispers.
I hesitate, biting my lip. I should tell him. Fuck it.
I turn in his arms, pressing my palms gently against his chest. I take a deep breath, preparing myself.
"Arthur, I-"
Thud.
"Ooow!"
Arthur and I both whirl around to see that Miles has fallen, so excited that he tripped over the rug and bumped his knee on the bedside table. Arthur rushes over, scooping him up and scolding him lightly for not paying attention.
I sigh.
Tomorrow. It''ll be better to tell him tomorrow. For now, we''ll just focus on... this.
We spend the next half hour getting Miles settled, reading him a bedtime story in his new room. He''s so excited he can barely keep his eyes open, fighting sleep until the very end: When he finally drifts off, clutching a stuffed t-rex to his chest, Arthur and I slip out quietly.
In the hallway, I turn to Arthur and wrap my arms around his neck. "Thank you,” I whisper. "This means so much."
Today''s Bonus Offer
napter 203