CAMILLA’S PO.V


    I felt bad for speaking to Ryker that way but it was important that he realized. It was important that he


    didn’t get his hopes up too high. I didn’t want to hurt him in the long run but the truth was that he was


    already hurting. He expected me to fit into this carefully curated box that he had ced for his mate but


    I couldn’t. I could barely get through the day, much less be the woman he wanted me to be. Still, that


    didn’t stop me from feeling bad for him. In a second, he had lost everything and now, he had the


    chance to get it all back. If I were in his shoes, I probably would have done worse.


    It was so exhausting, more tiring than I realized it would be and I wanted to be her- sometimes I


    thought it would be easier- but how could I be someone I didn’t even remember. Sometimes it felt like I


    was getting a sh of memory but it would be gone before I could even process


    what was going on. I remembered the rooms, I remembered the paths but I couldn’t remember the


    people and somehow, that felt like the worst punishment.


    A knock on my door snapped me out of my thoughts and I turned to find Peggy standing by my door


    with a small smile on her face. She made her way inside and I didn’t realize how little time I had


    spent with her until she actually walked in. Luxury looked good on her, she looked well taken care of


    and less stressed than she did back in town. I tapped the spot next to me and she didn’t hesitate before


    taking it.


    “I just had to listen to an angry rant from Marie a few hours ago and I saw that fine man storming out of


    here,” she began and I exhaled deeply. “I am not here to scold you, Cami. Honestly, I don’t


    you. Cami al know if I have the right to do so. Do you want to tell me what happened?”


    “Everyone expects me to be happy about this. They think I should just be grateful that I am Queen and


    that it fell into myp when it is what people would kill for. Why would I do that? I didn’t ask for all of


    this. I didn’t want all of this. It just feels like no one understands the pressure that is on my shoulders


    right now.”


    “You shouldn’t expect them too. Only the person who wears the shoes knows exactly where it pinches,”


    i didn’t respond and she wrapped an arm around my shoulder in aforting manner. “Everyone has


    expectations of you. You should have known that the moment you agreed to do this. To these people,


    you are their Queen, their family, their mother, their mate, their sister and you cannot expect those


    expectations to go away. The minute you came here, you resigned to being the woman that they know.”


    “I only agreed to one year.”


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    “Did you really?” she asked and I stilled. “Did you think that you would be able to leave after a year?


    You are smarter than that, Cami, don’t insult your own intelligence. You know exactly what you


    signed up for and this is it. It is hard and it is scary and I cannot pretend to understand what that feels


    like but you are in this already. There is no backing out now.”


    “I had powers,” I said suddenly and she fell silent. “I was this Queen who saved everyone first. I was


    this


    person who put my life in danger for others. I wouldn’t do that now. I wouldn’t heal people at my own


    detriment especially if I knew I had kids toe home to. I am not that girl.”


    “You don’t have to be that girl. People change and people grow. Imagine the old Cami as a


    ”


    caterpir, you are a butterfly. You have grown and you have changed but deep down, you are that girl.


    You just became better.”


    Iy my head on her shoulder in a silent thanks. My mouth couldn’t form the words so I hoped my


    actions would. She wrapped her arms around me and we sat there inplete silence for a full minute.


    I didn’t realize just how much I needed someone to validate my feelings. I needed someone to tell me


    that I wasn’t overreacting and that it was normal to be scared. By the time I finally pulled away, I knew


    exactly what I had to do and Peggy did too because she gave me a soft smile and squeezed my hand


    softly before walking out.


    I had two ces to be but I went to the lesser of two evils first which was Marie. She was in her room


    seated cross legged on the bed. She looked excited to see me at first but it was as if she remembered


    the fight and turned her back to me.


    “I am not going to apologize because I stand by what I said, you don’t understand what it is like to be in


    my shoes.”


    “If you are not here to apologize then what are you here for? I have nothing to say to you.”


    “Then listen,” I cut her off. “This is all you have ever wanted- a life of ease, a wonderful life and I will not


    fault you for that. I didn’t even have the chance to want anything. I am still trying to find my footing and


    remember what happened in the past six years but I cannot. I don’t just have the life of ease, I have


    kids now and a mate and it is hard to navigate on my own. All I am asking for is my friend to support


    me.”


    “I do support you.”


    “No, you support me as long as I stay in this life. Would you support me if I decided to leave? If I said I


    was done and I wanted to fake my own death and go back to that small town. If I said that was the life


    that I wanted would you support me?”


    Her silence was enough of a response.


    “I need my friend, Marie. I don’t need you pushing me to take the choice that best aligns with your


    dreams. I need a friend who is going to stick by my side and let me know that no matter what, it is me


    and her against the world, not her against me because I don’t want what she wants.”


    “But why wouldn’t you want this?” she asked. She sounded almost confused and a little hurt. “Why


    would you look at this life and say that it wasn’t for you? You have everything you could ever want. You


    have a mate who scoured the ends of the earth to find you, you have children who adore you and you


    have a life of ease. I don’t understand.”


    “You shouldn’t have to,” I whispered and she crossed her arms over her chest. “I never said I didn’t


    want it. I just said that I needed some time toe to terms with it. I am not going to be the picture


    perfect person within days. It doesn’t work that way.”


    There was a moment of silence before she sighed. “Fine, I support you. Whatever it is that you choose


    to do, I will have your back.”


    “Thank you. Now if you will excuse me, I have one more thing that requires my attention.”


    I could feel the confusion in her gaze but I didn’t bother waiting to exin it to her. I walked


    slowly, almost dragging my legs in the direction of that room. With each step, I felt heavier than thest


    but I was determined to see this through. I needed to do it before I lost the courage, I needed to face


    the fear and embrace the new chance at life that had been given to me.


    I pushed open the door slowly and everyone stilled. It was just Christine, Ryker and the girls. It felt like


    everyone was holding their breath and waiting to see what I would do. They regarded me as one would


    a wounded animal that they were scared would run but I ignored them and headed straight for Audrey.


    I took a seat cross legged in front of her and gestured for her toe to me. It required no hesitation


    on her part before she immediately walked into my hands. I pulled her so that she was sitting on me


    and she brushed her hair out of her face.


    “Why isn’t your hair in a braid if you don’t like it in your eyes?” I asked and it was Ryker who


    responded.


    “She wanted you to do it.”


    He was gauging my reaction but instead, I lifted Audrey and ced her in front of the vanity while I


    retrieved the brush and began braiding her hair down. I could feel the confusion in the room but, I tuned


    them out and focused my attention on the little girl in front of me who was grinning from ear to ear. I


    looked over my shoulder at Aurora who was straining in Ryker’s hands toe to me.


    “Do you want me to braid yours too?” I asked and she nodded. I wasn’t sure if she couldpletely


    understand me but I hoped she could.


    Once I was done with Audrey’s hair, I pressed a soft ki*ss to the center of her head.


    “I love you,” I whispered and it was like someone had lit up a beam in her eyes. She threw her arms


    around me and squeezed tightly. I tried to ignore the pit in my stomach as I held her the way I would


    have wanted to be held as a child.


    “I knew you would say it back,” she whispered before pulling back to smile at me. She turned to Ryker.


    “Did you hear that daddy? She said it back.”


    Ryker wasn’t looking at her, his eyes were fixated on me. “I heard, princess, I told you she would say it


    back.”