-SLOANE-


    ***


    Thest time I saw my mother, she was aiming a loaded gun at me.


    It had been one of those nights you don''t forget, no matter how much time passes or how many good days stack themselves on top of it.


    Now, I''m seeing her again. She''s lying still on a bed, palms resting one over the other on her stomach. Her eyes are on the ceiling. Her face is drained, like she''s been crying for hours and somehow still has mo I stand in the


    doorway for longer than I should, my hand pressed to the frame. I don''t know what to do. Don''t know if I should walk in, touch her, speak, or sit beside her.


    She''s so still that I almost wonder if she''s alive.


    A wave of guilt hits me. Can''t tell why. It''s not like I was the one who caused this. But I wonder... if that day


    hadn''t gone so badly or if I''d reached out after it did, offered an olive


    branch instead of silence, would she still be pregnant? Would


    the stress have been less, the pressure bearable?


    It''s a long reach, I


    know. Anything else could''ve caused the miscarriage. But I can''t shake the nagging possibility that maybe... maybe I''m part of the reason.


    I inhale before speaking.


    "Mom."


    I gather my courage and step forward. My knees feel like they''re trying to fold under me, but I ignore it. I reach the side of the bed and lower myself gently onto the edge, leaving just enough space between us that I don''t touch her. I


    was going to ce a hand on hers, but something in her stillness tells me not to.


    "It''s going to be alright," I say,


    though I don''t know if I believe it. The next words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Should I call someone? Maybe your husband."


    Her eyes don''t move, but her mouth does. "I don''t want to see him."


    "I know, but-"


    "I loved that man so much. So, so much. The funny thing is, I always hated the idea of giving kids their parents'' names, but the second I found out I was pregnant, I knew. I wanted one of them to be called Jade does no ''Jade''- so it wouldn''t


    get awkward. But... I loved him. And he slept with my daughter. I should''ve known it was


    a bad idea to marry someone younger."


    I swallow hard. This isn''t going as nned. "He was scared, you know. I''m not saying you should ept him back, but he''s the right person to be processing this loss with."


    "I don''t want to see him, Sloane."


    I nod slowly. "Fine. How about Serena? She can take you home and be with you


    She turns, her eyes finally meeting mine. "Are you doing this on purpose?"


    "Doing what?"


    "Making me focus my emotions on something else. Like anger. First you mention Jade. Now your sister?"


    "What she did was stupid, I know."


    "Stupid?” Her voice spikes. "That''s the word you chose? How about self-


    centered? Deceitful? Bitchy? She came to my house and smiled at me while she


    was sleeping with my husband. If Iy my eyes on her, I''m going to kill her."


    She sits up with effort, wincing as her body adjusts, hand drifting to her


    belly that''s still slightly distended, a soft reminder of what was once growing there. The sight of her


    like this makes me want to retreat and move forward at the same time. I don''t know what to do with her pain. I don''t even know what to do with mine.


    She''s not going to be able to stay here. That much is clear. This house isn''t safe for her-


    not because of physical threats, but because of everything else. My father


    wife, Daphne, is due back next week. And if she walks in to find the ex-


    wife camped out here, just after being used of cheating-God.


    I nce at the time on my phone. The bodyguards


    are still waiting outside. Knox would be thinking I''m on my way to his club. I''m supposed to beying low, staying out of sight.


    And here I am, knee-deep in family mess.


    She can''te with me. And I can''t take her back to her ce-


    not with a target still on my


    There''s only one other option, and I don''t care if she doesn''t like it. back.


    "I''m going to call Serena, Mom," I say, rising from the bed. "She''lle pick you up and take you home. Whatever issues you have between yourselves, I''m sure you can work it out."


    "You must be out of your mind."


    I''m not. I''m the


    only one thinking straight here. You called Dad? Dad? He has a wife who doesn''t know you''re here. What do you think she''s going to do when she sees you?”


    She stiffens. Her eyes retreat to a corner of the room.


    "He was the only one I could call," she says.


    "That''s not true. You could''ve called me."


    "You only care about your boyfriend, Sloane. Nobody else matters to you right now. Why should I call you?"


    I stare at her, jaw tightening. "I don''t care


    if you called one of the workers at your flower shop or a friend or even the paramedics. You shouldn''t have called Dad."


    "You can''t tell me what to do."


    "I can," I say. "And I will. You''ve had your moment making us feel guilty for being shitty children. But it''s time for you to let it go. That man downstars is only letting you stay here because he doesn''t know how to say no to you. Even after you broke his heart."


    Her eyes snap to mine, narrowed.


    "You... You cheated on


    him," I continue.


    I hadn''t wanted to go there. But the words are already out, and


    I can''t reel them back in. I hate that I''m crying now, hate that this is what it''se to


    Her mouth opens slightly. One tear slides down her cheek.


    "It''s not what you think, Sloane," she says, softer now. "Your father was unavable, and I... I made a mistake. Once. I wish I could take that back."


    "You can''t whisper. "Just like Jade


    can''t. Just like Serena can''t." I step


    back and take out my phone. "I''m


    calling her don''t care if you let her


    stay at your ce or not but your can''t stay here. You can''t."


    My fingers move quickly, I need air. I walk to the door and out into the hallway, my chest tight. At the staircase, I press the call button. It goes straight to voicemail. I try again. Nothing.


    With a sigh, I open the voicemail app and hit record.


    "Hey. Serena. It''s me. I''m at Dad''s house. Mom''s here. She... she lost the


    triplets. She''s not doing well,


    and I need someone to be with her. Can youe pick her up? Please."


    I hang up, swallowing the lump in my throat.


    Downstairs, Grandma is sitting cross-legged on the couch with a ss of wine, watching a fashion show. My dad''s found a shirt thank God and is perched on the edge of a separate couch, restless.


    1 make my way into the kitchen and grab a juice


    from the fridge. The coolness of it is the only thing anchoring me to this moment.


    When I lean against the counter to drink, Dad stands and walks over. His eyes search mine like he''s trying to


    guess what happened upstairs.


    "I looked outside," he says after a beat. "Four dangerous-


    looking men are standing beside a car I assume you came in. You go around with bodyguards now?"


    I blink at him, startled for a moment. I''d forgotten about that part, why I actually came here. Leave it to him to remind


    me.


    "At the moment," I reply and take another sip.


    "Why? Are people shooting at you? Is it already happening? You spend most of your life single, and then when you choose the wrong man?"


    His hands go to his hips.


    date, you


    I want this to stop. What do you think


    I''ll feel if something happens to you? What would your mother feel? Or your sister? Or your grandmother?"


    I m the cup down, chest heaving.


    "Just-


    stop, please. Stop. I want you all to fucking stop. Do you think I''m a child? Can I not make decisions for myself?"


    I watch the little twitch in Dad''s temple, the narrowing


    of his eyes. When he speaks, it''s low.


    "I raised you better than this, Sloane.”


    "You raised me to be awkward around men. Left to you, I wouldn''t date anyone for the rest of my life."


    "I''d honestly prefer seeing you alone than with that man."


    "It''s a good thing it''s not your decision, isn''t it?" My voice is steady, but there''s a


    tremor beneath it. "I want you to worry about important things. Like your son, Beau, growing


    without a father because you and Daphne just won''t work shit out. You


    want to chase her off with your paranoia? Then great. Do that. But leave Knox out of it. Don''t go seeking him


    out. Don''t threaten him."


    I take a step closer, eyes locked with his.


    "When you do that, you''re threatening me too. Because I''m going to be with that man for a long, long time. If he goes to jail. do that, you''re threatening me too. Because I''m going to


    y week and wait for him to get out. If you want m


    to be on your conscience, then keep doing what


    I''ll visit him you''re doing, Dad. Because I won''t leave him. He won''t leave me. I


    My throat tightens as I go in.


    "As a matter of fact, I''m convinced he''s the only


    one who''s ever loved every par better back all the hell up and leave us alone. I mean it."